Facing Vietnam Demons

Illawarra Mercury

Monday March 3, 2003

By KILMENY ADIE

TWENTY years after the fall of Saigon, Carl Robinson returned to Vietnam to finally face his demons.

Within a day he was a changed man.

The emotions the Berry man had carried with him for the past two decades disappeared and he was able to embrace life in a way he never had before.

``I didn't realise how screwed up I was because of Vietnam," Mr Robinson said.

``I think it's something that Vietnam veterans experience - it's now called post traumatic stress. I and the Vietnam veterans never had trauma counselling - we had to do it ourselves with Bundy rum and things like that."

Mr Robinson said his journey to Vietnam was one of the most important things he had done in his life.

``Only 24 hours back in Vietnam and all the hang-ups I had been carrying around just disappeared and the way you saw your life was completely different.

``All that survivors' guilt or whatever sort of label you put in it, does affect the way you look back on the experience."

Now the 59-year-old is helping other Vietnam veterans face their demons by conducting tours of the country.

On April 23 he will depart for a two-week tour of the country that will include a dawn service on Anzac Day at the cross at Long Tan - the site of the largest Australian battle in the Vietnam War in 1966.

Mr Robinson, who speaks fluent Vietnamese, said participants would experience intense memories as part of the reintroduction to Vietnam before being able to relax and enjoy their experiences.

Part of the journey will include a trip to a military cemetery for Vietcong soldiers.

``It's something that some of the guys might have a bit of a problem with but a lot of guys will understand the importance of it," he said. ``It's not necessarily to show that you're sorry, it's more than that. It's an understanding sort of thing. It wasn't the Aussie diggers' fault and it wasn't the Vietcong's fault. It was the fault of those who were running the show.

``The whole experience is to give the guys a better understanding of what they did and where they were."

Born in the United States, Mr Robinson spent 11 years in South Vietnam during the war working as an aid worker and later as a journalist.

Two years after Saigon fell he moved to Australia with his wife, Kim, and three children.

Mr Robinson said it was a difficult decision to return to Vietnam eight years ago but he was pleased he had made it. Now he hopes to assist others to move on from their memories.

``As I tell people we will be there to hold your hand. It's a tough and very individual decision," he said.

For information contact Mr Robinson on 4464 2194.